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How does the obvious turn into the oblivious? 
then back again. 

What is more real: 
feelings 
words 
actions 
gestures 
silence 
touch 
distance 
contempt 

How can mixtures of these elements turn obvious into oblivious? 
What makes them change back. 

There must be something true in the old addage -- cutting off your nose to spite your face-- 
and it there is a PHD program (note to self check college catalogues for classes) 
all of my present and prior experiences shoud qualify me for the head of the department or a tenured professorahip --or at the very leas an honoray degree. 

To err is human... but to keep erring in the same situatuions over and over again deserves something -- A Darwin Award is the most likely --except i have not killed myself in these acts soo.... instutionalization it is. 

But all of that being said, I still search out (and to be truthful create from scratch at times) opportunities to gain even more experience. 

So I suffer the consequences of my choices (which are such ingrained habits there is very little brain activity going on to make a concious choice--(good excuse--right?) 

I can't decide if it is worse being in self inflicted emotional pain or the realization that, after the fact (although the situation involves two people-- and the pain is still there) I acted and reacted as if I was the only one hurt. 

This is a long winded and winding way of saying that I am sorry. 

I could say I will try to do better --but that would be a lie-- because trying is bull shit -- I either will or I won't. 

To forgive is devine-- I am not asking for you to grant me absolution for my sins or really asking for anything at all.